Through the Lens of a Dad

Today was a good day, though I was craving coffee like crazy. It was good because all throughout the day I had a lot of energy. In between the 2-3pm hours is when I feel the most sluggish and tired. But today I was filled with energy. I still don’t know how that’s related to coffee or not but I felt great.

Also, I wrote this earlier, but my “snacking” is terrible. I snack almost at every hour of the day. Drinking coffee stimulates it and encourages it. Doesn’t coffee taste much better with a pastry or a cookie or a donut… or two… or three…? So, today, I found myself snacking less because I was very conscious of it.

But to be absolutely truthful – I’m having a hard time not having coffee. Is this is a scary thing? I think about drinking coffee a lot.

Oh, well, I’m getting sleepy and tired and I should get to bed soon.

Thanks for reading.

Joe

Technically, yesterday was Day 2, but I fell asleep way too early last night to write. I felt pretty good yesterday though I was craving coffee all day. I did feel like I had more energy throughout the day. The only “slow” part of the day came after I put Ayumi down for a nap. I felt so tired I had to take a short, 5-minute nap. But I wonder if that’s because we did a lot in the morning: did the laundry, changed the lightbulbs in the kitchen and outside, went to the hardware store, played in the playground for 45 minutes. Also, I think I ate 7 cookies and a bowl full of Doritos in 30 minutes after putting Ayumi down. That’s the thing about my coffee-drinking. A lot of times I like to have my coffee with something sweet – cookies, cake, a spoonful of sugar. I don’t think that’s helped with my weight gain and the atrocious state of my health. So I think yesterday, with the 7 cookies and bowl of chips, was a force of habit. I’m hoping that’s it. One other thing I noticed last night was that I felt even more sleepy than usual by about 11pm. I was out before midnight.

I wonder how today will go? I was up at 6:15am feeling a little tired and groggy.

Thanks for reading.

Joe

Why Am I Doing This?

I want to know the effects of coffee/caffeine on my body. I am not sure if 30 days is long enough but I’ll give it a go. I want to know if it helps me or if I feel better without coffee. I also want to know if it does affect my sleep at night.

The Rules

1. No coffees, lattes, frappuccinos, or any coffee-type drink (caffeinated or decaffeinated). Basically, everything on the Starbucks menu, except for the teas.
2. Teas are allowed but only the decaffeinated ones.

DAY 1

So, today kicked off my 30 Days of Coffee-Free living. It was difficult. Church without coffee just doesn’t seem like church. Also, I got headaches all throughout the day, until I took a 2-hour nap. Then I felt much better. It’s close to midnight now and I feel tired and sleepy. I definitely feel like I’m going through withdrawal.

How will tomorrow feel?

Thanks for reading.

Joe

I love coffee. I need to state that clearly and simply before I go on. When I have breakfast with my daughter, I have a cup of coffee. When I have lunch with my daughter, I have a cup of coffee. When I first sit down to work, I have a cup of coffee. I love everything about coffee. I love the way it smells, the way it looks, the way it looks back at me and says, “You need another sip of me. I am delicious.” But, lately, I haven’t been feeling well. I’ve noticed that I’ve been more tired in the afternoon, not sleeping well at night and very jumpy. All that on 3 cups of coffee a day. So, I’m toying around with the idea of not having coffee for a month to see how it makes me feel.

So, for the two of you who read my blog, what do you think? Should I take a break from coffee for a month? Let me know. I’m thinking of starting November 1.

Thanks for reading.

Joe

This morning before I read Luke 5:1-11 I heard the question, “What is Jesus doing in this passage?” repeated in my mind. So I made an effort to answer the question as I read the passage. The first thing that struck me about what Jesus was doing was that he was “standing by the lake.” Amidst the crowd which was pressing in on him, wanting something from him, and the stress the situation presented, Jesus was standing that morning by the lake of Gennesaret breathing in the morning air.

The second thing Jesus was doing was “seeing” – He saw the used fishing boat that Peter and his coworkers were in earlier that morning. Jesus was observing and scanning the whole area until his eyes rested on those two boats. Jesus’ posture was in stark contrast with what was going on around him. The crowd was causing a busy, stirring, and possibly noisy environment but Jesus just simply stood and observed the whole place.

And the third thing that stuck out to me was that Jesus “sat down.” After he got into the boat, he sat and began to teach the people. As the scene unfolded I pictured Jesus taking his time, not rushing, moving deliberately (and not hurriedly), and then sitting to be with people he loved to do what he loved to do.

Standing, seeing and sitting in a posture of peace was what Jesus did before he began teaching, before he challenged his future disciples. In that crowded circle of people, Jesus managed to find some space to stand apart and look out into the lake. And when the time was right he sat back down with people and taught.

The first four verses teaches to take such a posture. In the midst of busyness, hurried situations, and a “crowd” who wants to grab at me and take from me, I need to learn to stand and look out into the lake. I need to slow down and look around. And when the time is right to sit back down with people I love and to be with them. As I think about the day ahead I can hear my 22-month old crying, wanting food or my attention; I can feel the need to make “to-do” lists and the pressure of accomplishing it; I can imagine the number of emails I have to return. And as I think of the potentially crazy day ahead, I see Jesus taking postures of peace and am reminded to imitate those postures.

Thanks for reading.

Joe

I was reading Luke 4:38-44 tonight because I couldn’t sleep. As I was reading it, I immediately placed myself in the position of the Healer, as Jesus was healing. I thought that was the application God had for me. But seconds later, I was gently nudged to think a different thought – what if Jesus stayed the “Healer,” instead of me, and I was one of those He healed? When placed in that positioned, I thought of the different ways my life needed healing.

My sister and her family were visiting us the last week or so. One night my wife, my sister and my brother-in-law were reminiscing about our childhoods and the way we were disciplined. I began realizing that some of my bad habits and the negative ways in which I discipline my daughter are as a result of my lack of healing in areas of my life. Mind you, my mom did as good of a job as she could raising my siblings and I, and she tried to explain the reasons we were being punished as best she could also. But those times of correction were almost always accompanied by raised voices. And those voices often drowned out the explanations, not to mention caused me some hurt and set in motion a pattern of behavior from which I need to be healed.

Today, as a parent, I am wrestling with myself and my own “raised voice” at my daughter. I am realizing that I yell too much, which is often times the wrong approach to correcting her. Both my sister and my wife suggested I calmly and gently talk to my daughter and explain to her what she’s doing and what kind of effect it will have on her and everyone around her. This, they told me, will go a lot further than immediately hitting the internal “YELL” button when my daughter does something wrong.

But this is no easy task for me. And it will take the true “Healer” to correct this part of my life. I hope to someday change but I know it will take some time, many miles of mistakes, and tons of conversations with Jesus, but I do hope to get there. I want some day to have a strong line of communication between me and my daughter. And that line of communication is only strengthened when the “raised voices” are quieted.

Thanks for reading.

Joe

My daughter is at a stage in her life where she is pushing her mom and I and testing us to do things her way. However, there are things she is doing that are unhealthy for her and affects the people around her negatively – throwing food and other objects when she gets frustrated, not wanting to sleep at specific times, rudely yelling, “No!” And as people trying to be responsible parents we correct and tell her it’s not the right thing to do. This is a challenge to her and most times (because she’s 21 months) she cries and throws herself on the floor and wails.

I think we as adults get this way too. I was thinking a lot about John the Baptist this morning and how in the Gospel of Luke he challenged the multitudes, the tax collectors, and soldiers to do and be something they were not used to – to be generous with others, to shape up their business practices, and to be content with their pay. John said, “He who has two coats, let him share with him who has none; and he who has food, let him do likewise… Collect no more than is appointed you… Rob no one by violence or by false accusation, and be content with your wages” (Luke 3:11, 13, 14). Luke writes that John often preached this way and that he described these exhortations as “good news.”

I really had to think about this idea of “good news” this morning because to me, “good news” would be – “my illness is gone,” “my debt has been paid because someone gave me a lot of money,” or “I got a free pass out of a speeding ticket.” These things would clearly be “good news.” But how can being challenged to change your life or lifestyle be good news when this is the pattern that you have used your whole life? There is great difficulty in any paradigm shift. There is always a sense of loss in any kind of change.

But as I was reading in my devotional this morning I realized that when we begin to see and understand the spiritual life Jesus came to give us is when we begin to see how and why the gospel is good news even though it challenges us to change our lives. As I walk with Jesus and experience the kind of life he wants for me, John the Baptist’s exhortations are things I would want to live out. I begin to see that what John was pointing out was sin and a life-style that is ultimately selfish and self-centered, and these burdens I do not want to carry. Rather, I want to trust that the life God has for me is much better than what I can think of or in my own strength live out.

My 21-month old would rather get cookies and crackers, stay up as late as she wants or yell at anyone she wants but those things do not add up to the kind of life her mom and I want for her. I hope at some point she sees that what we are challenging her to do will somehow be “good news.”

Thanks for reading.

Joe

Ayumi preparing for a sermon

At one of the meal times during our church retreat last weekend I was asked if I had any aspirations for my little, 20-month old daughter. The person asking was about to see his first child, sadly, go away to a fine college. Downplaying the question, I told the person who asked, “I just want her to get through elementary school.”

I think the temptation I have as a dad is to push my child academically and plan her life around the pursuit of a great education. Don’t get me wrong, education is not a bad thing. In fact, in the U.S., we should be profoundly grateful to God that we have free education available to us. But education can also become an idol.

I was struck by a Henri Nouwen quote from a book I am reading. Nouwen writes: “Beneath all the great accomplishments of our time there is a deep current of despair. While efficiency and control are the great aspirations of our society, the loneliness, isolation, lack of friendship and intimacy, broken relationships, boredom, feelings of emptiness and depression, and a deep sense of uselessness fill the hearts of millions of people in our success-oriented world.”

The above quote is not a result of a great focus on education, but rather, a replacing of a Jesus-filled life with great self-accomplishments and selfish aspirations. We can fill our lives with medals, trophies and salary markers, but what kind of life would we have if the despair Nouwen talks about still exists in spite of the accomplishments? To what or whom do we then turn?

I hope that my daughter grows up to know, love and serve Christ faithfully.

Thanks for reading (I know, a little “preachy”).

Joe

One of my professors at seminary said that if he could teach one thing to people who are new to the faith, he would teach him to listen to God. With that said, I wonder how you do that – teach someone to listen to God? My daughter has recently started to pray or imitate my wife and I when we pray. The most common way Ayumi sees us praying is right before meals. So now, when we say, “Let’s pray,” she clasps her hands, bows her head and listens to us as we pray. We have noticed that Ayumi tells us to pray at random times too. Just out of nowhere she’ll go, “Pray?” and then she’ll clasp her hands, bow her and stays silent – for like a second or two.

As my daughter grows up, I want her to have a relationship with Jesus and for her to learn how to pray – listening, abiding, speaking to God. I want her to have the freedom to ask God for anything, the boldness to say anything to God and the habit to go to God in any situation. But how do you teach her to listen to the voice of God? How do you do that?

Thanks for reading.

Joe

A little over a week ago my wife, Christine, was baking a zucchini bread. She took my daughter, Ayumi, along with her in the process to make the bread. If Christine had not prompted me to take pictures of the moment I probably would have missed it entirely. But I’m glad she “suggested” I take some photos. It was a reminder to me not to take things as mundane as baking with your one-and-a-half-year-old for granted. Yup, my daughter plays with dolls and now she bakes. I am incredibly grateful to God for my wife and my daughter. I will be even more grateful for them in the future as they find ways to fill my belly. Below are a couple of shots from that afternoon.

Thanks for reading.

Joe