Through the Lens of a Dad

Our church started a visioning process for the leaders and staff two months ago. The Church Board and other members of the congregation were hungry for a vision to support so we underwent a process for which I had low expectations. But, surprisingly, it has been a healing, though sometimes painful, process.

First, as the leadership of the church we had to identify the “here” of where we are so that we could move into the “there” of where we would like to be. The “here” is that place of discontentment, the thing that is “unacceptable” in your life. So the question is raised, “What is the ‘here’ that is unacceptable for me?” My immediate response is my anger and the underlying causes of it.

It is not acceptable to me, as a pastor of a church, to put on a happy face at church, pray and lead the congregation into prayer, be open to helping others on a Sunday and then coming home and being recklessly angry at my daughter. My wife remarked after a bad episode that it was not good for our daughter to see 2 kinds of ‘Christianity’ – self-controlled and composed in public but in private yelling and screaming at my little girl. Though yelling at little girls is not considered a Christian act.

God has been at work on my heart in the area of anger for the last 8-9 months, since I started meeting with my spiritual director. Throughout the months, we have been able to locate and understand some of the root causes of my anger and also find ways to seek and invite God when I sense things are about to go bad. It has been humbling, painful, confusing yet filled with hope, this journey into my heart I on which I have been traveling. I will write more later concerning this journey but for now, I will leave this wonderful and wonderfully long quote from Henri Nouwen:

“Anger in particular seems close to a professional vice in the contemporary ministry. Pastors are angry at their leaders for not leading and at their followers for not following. They are angry at those who do not come to church for not coming and angry at those who do come for coming without enthusiasm. They are angry at their families who make them feel guilty, and angry at themselves for not being who they want to be. This is not an open, blatant, roaring anger, but an anger hidden behind the smooth word, the smiling face, and the polite handshake. It is a frozen anger, an anger which settles into a biting resentment and slowly paralyzes a generous heart. If there is anything that makes the ministry look grim and dull, it is this dark, insidious anger in the servant of Christ.” (from The Way of the Heart)

Thanks for reading.
Joe

As I was reading a bit ago, I was taken by what James Bryant Smith wrote in his book, The Good and Beautiful Life:

“Many parents are dogmatic, impose unfair restrictions, ridicule things their children take seriously and make insulting references about their friends. It should come as no surprise that our children prefer the company of friends and families where they aren’t judged and condemned.”

It is not a new thought, but it is a convicting one for me as a parent. After I read it, I realized that there is still so much about parenting that I need to learn. And as my child gets older and develops friendships, there is still more I need to know and learn.

The other thought I had was that I wanted to start blogging again. I need a way to process my thoughts regarding parenthood and some of the things I am experiencing as a father, specifically as a Jesus-following father. So I guess I will try writing again and processing some thoughts.